so there i am...a coffee in one hand and big foot having a shit all over the runway in the other...( though how he ever got there till this day is a mystery ) .
I SCRATCH MY ASS...I EVER SO CALMLY MEANDER TO MY SPACESHIP...TIME TO DO SOME FUCKED UP SHIT AND WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT .
...BASTARD WINDOWS...find it yourself .
...luv stu
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
selah...part 3...chapter 99
next...do a somersault off the squirrel powered jet engine air plane that has now landed the wrong way up and its crew completely naked and screwing in the isle .
selah...part 3...chapter 98
next move...skip down the road of life until you play your banjo so much that your fingertips bleed .
selah...part 3...chapter 97
the new stu...one suffering from..." too much shit thrown at me and i think the world has gone mad disease '' .
first move...get a little red riding hood complete with a retarded camel costume...and a pound of hash .
first move...get a little red riding hood complete with a retarded camel costume...and a pound of hash .
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
selah...part 3...chapter 96
i considered prayerfully what to do with my life...then it came to me : SCARE THE FUCK OUT OF EVERYONE .
...and there was much rejoicing .
...and there was much rejoicing .
selah...part 3...chapter 95
bottom line...i went from one church to another...the second one was named...post traumatic stress .
...boy , could he hold his booze .
...boy , could he hold his booze .
selah...part 3...chapter 94
remember when godzilla went to the moon...and ate the whole fucking thing ??? but the government covered it up...because the president was '' in on it '' or something ???
same in church...godzilla ate my left nut , and everyone was praying that he would eat the other one .
...but i had a secret weapon...i would have sex with everyone in the mental hospital while they were playing ping - pong .
same in church...godzilla ate my left nut , and everyone was praying that he would eat the other one .
...but i had a secret weapon...i would have sex with everyone in the mental hospital while they were playing ping - pong .
selah...part 3...chapter 92
true story...a pack of old...horse shit eating church elders...hid in a demon possessed church attic to see if a neighbouring minister and his gang of hoodlums would break in and steal their dead cat collection , and their erotic monkey heads .
selah...part 3...chapter 91
i stole THE $1000 CUP...long story short...it turned out i owned it anyway .
october 31 1994...time to leave religion .
october 31 1994...time to leave religion .
selah...part 3...chapter 90
...got home just in time for a really shitty wedding .
if it hadn't been for the crocodile...it would have been fucking horrible .
if it hadn't been for the crocodile...it would have been fucking horrible .
selah...part3...chapter 89
during this adventure...one of the greatest prophies ever spoken over me was spoken :
" run , forest run '' .
...and i did .
" run , forest run '' .
...and i did .
selah...part 3...chapter 88
as the sun went down and the desert animals retreated into their own private universe...we pronounced paul and his beautiful wife , debby...forever wed and forever one .
which reminds me of the easiest battle i ever fought...alcoholism .
but that is another story .
which reminds me of the easiest battle i ever fought...alcoholism .
but that is another story .
selah...part 3...chapter 87
the summer of 1994 consisted of me travelling across north america and eventually finding myself in THE BIG PENIS...or...as referred to by others...los angeles .
there we ate hamburgers .
there we ate hamburgers .
selah...part 3...chapter 86
as we grow we see things differently...like ghosts and breasts .
the summer of 1994 was my time of lining up with eternity...just ask the squirrels or dead moose on the side of the road .
the summer of 1994 was my time of lining up with eternity...just ask the squirrels or dead moose on the side of the road .
selah...part 3...chapter 85
get this...my community sent me on a vacation the summer of 1994...i took a picture of a bear at one point...( we became friends )...and when the picture got back...there was no bear .
i changed his name to MYSTERY .
i changed his name to MYSTERY .
Monday, October 23, 2017
selah...part 3...chapter 84
late 1982...got about a billion people in our CIRCLE OF FRIENDS...enters love...you know , the kind of love with a hard penis and THE BEST OF DAVID GATES AND BREAD .
i really didn't deserve her...and she adjusted her internal compass appropriately .
i really didn't deserve her...and she adjusted her internal compass appropriately .
selah...part 3...chapter 83
the funny thing about the moment that is going to change your life forever...is you don't see it coming ...it just hangs there in the sky like a flying saucer .
nothing in this universe punches as hard as love .
nothing in this universe punches as hard as love .
selah...part 3...chapter 82
figure this one out...the first time i preached at THE WHITE CHURCH...cost me a hand job .
selah...part 3...chapter 81
by summer 1991...i became aware of two things...my testicles could not get through the church door...and the next door neighbours ate too much pie .
selah...part 3...chapter 80
the first thing you have to know about white people is...they believe sex is below them .
i mean...technically they are right...if billy is on top...then sex is indeed below them .
my first sermon was entitled...shake your COCK - A - DOODLE - DO...jesus is coming back .
i mean...technically they are right...if billy is on top...then sex is indeed below them .
my first sermon was entitled...shake your COCK - A - DOODLE - DO...jesus is coming back .
selah...part 3...chapter 79
i started working with THE WHITE CHURCH , january 1990...(and when i say white...i mean fucking white ) .
selah...part 2...chapter 78
i either got fired or i quit...one of the two...ANYWAY...spent the summer at a place called BAYSIDE...a camp designed for young adults with serious control issues...but i will save that for another story .
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