selah...chapter 16

p .r . was one of the most exciting parts of my life...for example...shooting at his next door neighbour's house...great for a laugh...the guy was a hoot .

selah...chapter 15

by the age of six...i thought my name was NUMB NUTS .

selah...chapter 14

p .r . was my father's best friend...every time i saw  him he was missing another finger...i assume he shoved his penis in the car door as well...i just have no proof .

...they would hang out together all night long and make bullets .

selah...chapter 13

...and then there was the poster of FRANKENSTEIN on out bedroom wall...it scares the fuck out of me...i believe it was there to teach us to be fearless .

...it did not work .

selah...chapter 12

one of my favourite moments growing up in THE STRANG HOUSEHOLD...was watching my brother ice- skate when he forgot to take off his skating blades...he would slide and slip like a drunken baby deer all over the fucking place...and then...when he finally ''got his shit together ''...he would beat the living crap out of the other players for making him look bad .

he usually snuck up behind them so they didn't even see it coming .

selah...chapter 11

dad also through the dog out of the house...right through the fucking floor...for a brief second...the dog looked like a super-hero .

...he was not .

...nor was my father .

selah chapter...10

we ate...dad got drunk and threw things...it was poetic watching knives dance through the air...the sun hitting the cold steel just right .

selah chapter...9

dad thought it was funny...religion needs more funny .

selah...chapter 8

every spiritual journey has a beginning...mine was running away from church and fucking up the sunday school teacher .

a policeman bought me a bag of candy...he was far more kind than that god - dam preacher .

selah... chapter 7

at age six , the high point of my week was THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES...the other high point would be GILLIGAN'S ISLAND...but for a completely different reason...that is to say...i wanted to see GILLIGAN murdered and , possibly even torn apart .

it never happened .

selah...chapter 6

figuring out ''false prophets'' was one of our greatest accomplishments...who would have thought we wouldn't give a fuck .

selah...chapter 5

when i came home from the hospital...i was to discover that i had a three year old brother who was very violent...in fact...he would run around the house wearing a ''t'' - shirt...with a giant '' v '' tight on the middle of the front .

his claim to fame would be smearing peanut butter right on the end of his penis...

the teacher was amused .

selah...chapter 4

i was born in halifax nova scotia...the doctor had cold hands...his wife was a drug addict .

selah...chapter 3

the third child lasted a week...the fourth...not much longer...and so it goes...until child number eleven...

...and this is where our story begins...child number eleven...THE MYSTERY CHILD .

selah...chapter 2

so they had another child...he , however , at three days old...died of alcohol poisoning .

selah...chapter 1

a long time ago...in a galaxy very , very close...so close , in fact...it made other galaxies seem either lost or non - existent...or a bit of both...a child was born .

unfortunately , he was run over at birth .